Denial

The past couple of months I've been in denial about something that I feel very strongly about.  Since I used to teach 7th grade in a public school, I had no doubts that I would send my kids to school.  In fact, since Evan was a toddler, I've really looked forward to it.  I've been open to homeschooling or sending him to a charter school if he needed it and if any issues ever came up.  But now, I find myself leaning toward homeschooling more and more.

I'm not going to lie---I'm in total denial about it.  Starting in early September, while thinking about where we were going to live and looking into school districts for Evan to attend for preschool, I started having a strong feeling that I needed to look into homeschooling him myself.  Like I wrote earlier, I'm totally okay with kids going to school, learning to adapt to situations, and how to deal with people that are different than their family.

But this thought that I had in my head, just kept bugging me and bugging me.  And it's still there!  I'm not ready to homeschool yet---I feel like we have to give preschool a chance in the public school education system.  Plus, Evan has an IEP, and a speech delay, and I'm not sure if I would be able to address his needs.

So we sent him off to preschool, and he loves going.  I think part of it is Evan just getting out of the house.  So, I'm not completely ignoring that voice in the back of my head, telling me to just pull him out and homeschool him.  I like that he does preschool, and it gives him something to look forward to in the mornings (when he's actually allowed to go when the weather cooperates).

Then we got his progress report yesterday, and I wanted to bawl (probably because I am super pregnant and hormonal anyway).  Evan is in the special ed preschool class.  Very little was said about his strengths and how well he does in certain activities.  He was in the yellow, orange and red with everything else.  They kept emphasizing that he doesn't participate in talking with others and I just wanted to bang my head against the wall (it's called a speech delay).  I just can't help but think how negative it was, especially considering he's only in preschool.  He still has another whole school year until he has to go to Kindergarten because of his later birthday.

A part of it is true---Evan doesn't sit still, and he doesn't like to participate in a lot of directed group activities. He's always been a free spirit, doing what he wants.  And there is probably so much fun stuff to do in that classroom, that he is overstimulated quite a bit.   But, the progress that he has made in social skills that we've seen at home has been enormous since he started preschool.

And here is something that I realized, I don't like how much my Evan is expected to know in the schools before he even gets to Kindergarten.  What's with letting our kids learn through play?  The world is still so large, and there's still so much they can learn without being forced to sit down for worksheets and standardized tests.

The preschool does very age appropriate, hands on activities.  But, I still feel like he's so young, there's still so much time for improvement, and for him to catch up to his peers.  And I feel like the school psychologist and his teacher (who I really like, I understand all the policies, restrictions, stuff that she has to deal with in the public schools) are once again trying to tell us that something is "wrong" with Evan because he hasn't met the milestones that other kids his age have.

So, homeschooling.  Just a year ago, I would have laughed or told someone there was no way that I was going to homeschool my kids.  My husband and I didn't have too many issues in school, we turned out just fine, and our kids would be okay too.  Mostly, we would be okay, because while our kids were at school, we would make sure they needed to know what was the most important from us at home.  We would be thoroughly involved parents, and if any issues came up then we could look at an alternative school.

The truth is, I don't think Evan is going to be the type of kiddo who does well in traditional elementary schools...  I don't want him molded into a "model student" if it goes against him personality and nature, especially if it's unnecessary.  I don't know when I should start homeschooling them or if I should stop and give them a chance in each new place we move (assuming we're still in the military at that point).

But I do know, that a lot of what's changed my view of homeschooling is because the stigma attached to homeschool is starting to disappear.

I like the idea of knowing what my kid is learning in school.  I like the idea of us going on monthly or bi weekly field trips to explore.  I like the idea of my kids taking breaks, when they need to, in order to refocus.  I like the idea of a co-op, where Evan can meet with other kids to do lessons or go on field trips or just play a ton.  I like the idea of using the things that Evan loves and excels at, like legos, puzzles, cars and trains to teach him concepts.

And I'm starting to think that public school, is a waste of time when it comes to what our children actually learn.  I hate saying that because I used to be a teacher, and I loved teaching.  The most important thing that I wanted to teach my students was to learn to love reading, and I don't know how many of them actually got that!

So, we're going to start homeschooling, sometime.  It might be next year---I don't like how the district is dealing with Evan in regards to our IEP.  Nobody is going to be diagnosing my son with Autism unless they are a medical professional and specialist in the field.   And I've given them the number to contact the developmental pediatrician that we saw, and he can talk to them about why there was no diagnosis.

I think my compromise is to try and do a fun, short, small summer school with Evan everyday this summer.  Maybe for only an hour a day, but something that will be a good test run for us to see if it's something we want to do for the future.  And, now I will climb off my soap box, and pretend to be in denial about homeschooling my kids a little bit longer...