I have hard days and trials, but I really don't like talking so publicly about them. But, this is considered a challenge for me. There are quite a few things that I struggle with, but I decided to go with my body image and self-esteem.
I was really tiny until I hit puberty, and then my flips started flaring out and I couldn't fit into a lot of the clothes that I had. My weight wasn't really an issue in middle school or high school. I gained weight due to puberty and growing, but it wasn't too drastic, mostly, I think, because I was active playing soccer and volleyball. In high school I dropped club soccer, and played volleyball and soccer in high school for three years. I still was never really heavy, but I had more fat on me than was normal for an average person my height.
In college I wavered between 145 lbs-163 lbs. A couple of years I did nothing but eat and study and a couple of years I played soccer, ate, studied, socialized and worked out. Honestly, at the highest weight ( around 163 lbs), it didn't really bother me. I was young, and I had plenty of energy.
Enter my first year teaching, when I proceeded to gain about 10 lbs in the course of 5 months. It was a really stressful year. Add on to that starting birth control and getting married. I will always attribute the huge amount of weight I gained (I went from 155 lbs to 183 lbs in about 8 months) to three things: the major factor was the birth control. I've learned that I am really sensitive to extra hormones in my body. The second factor was the stress from teaching caused me to overeat and have a bad diet. And the last factor was that although I was on my feet all day teaching, I did not work out at all once the day was over.
Anyways, I got pregnant, gained more weight and had the baby. Gained more weight after that, got pregnant again, and had another baby. When I came home from the hospital, I weighed about 227 lbs, which was never a weight I ever wanted to be at. Still, I always look on the bright side of things. After I had Logan, I knew that I wanted to get my weight lower, and that I was capable of doing it. Right now, I've currently lost about 37 lbs of that weight (it was more, but I've put on a little bit of weight since I moved back in with Rick).
The hardest time that I have with losing weight is the desire to lose it all really fast v. a lifestyle change. It's a fine line to walk, making sure you're eating well (not just on a diet), on a budget and feeding your family food that they actually like to eat. Overall, I consider myself a happy fat person (even though my body fat has reduced dramatically due to lifting weights and exercising) and I just want to be healthy with my family. I want to wear pants that aren't plus-size, I want to have energy to keep up with my boys, I want to be able to run races, and I want to feel good about myself.
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